It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize