one two three fourrrrnication!
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
