Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she pinky promised me she was 18
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize