where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize