i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
