he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
