Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
