the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
