The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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