I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I forget how to act sober
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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