It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
