If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
