Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
