he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
