You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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