I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
