he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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