i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She even gives head with a lisp.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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