White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
