just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
