I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
