I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
