I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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