the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize