just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
