Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
