I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
