Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
