i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
