Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
