And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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