took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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