sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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