Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
