And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
