i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
