so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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