she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
