they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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