SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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