i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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