As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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