Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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