I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
