Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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