I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My dick has a subreddit
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize