I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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