I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
