Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
