At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
