saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
barbara walters just said penis...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
why do cheetos always look like penises
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I party with great urgency now.
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