He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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