meet me or not, i'm out of control
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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