Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
