God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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