i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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