TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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