sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize