we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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