Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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