last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
