The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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