the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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