I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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