I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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