Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
