Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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