it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
