That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
