PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Pappa wants mamma naked
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
organizing the empties. That sober.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
His nipple licking is glorious
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