I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
