So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
