Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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