Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
