I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
