obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
