Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
