i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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