You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
