My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
