Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
