Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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