need another drink. this is the easiest way
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
