he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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