Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
