theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
