I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
