my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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