All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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