yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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