Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
