I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize