I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
