you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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