Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
