Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
