Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Come see our sink grown plant.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
