i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My vagina is very pro this idea
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
