I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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