The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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