false alarm. still invincible.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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