roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
