Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
