just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
