We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
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just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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