Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
