Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
