you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
porn star boner night. come get it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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