i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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