I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize