K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
