Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
