I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize