Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
