Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
