Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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